i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The air was thick with penises
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
