so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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