i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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