I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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