the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
