So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
