Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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