high people should be assigned attendants
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's blow job season.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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