i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
