I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
God I need to hump something, right now.
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