i think my mom watched the whole time
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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