Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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