He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
