Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
