so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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