When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
