That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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