I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
