Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
