Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
