It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
