On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
