this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
