I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
