i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
