dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sober January is a disaster.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
