I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
