6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
