Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
