who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize