Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
