where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize