just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
