my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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