dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize