i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
