I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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