too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
