FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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