her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
