So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
