allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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