Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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