i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
