i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
