I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
