Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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