Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize