Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
