i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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