3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
