He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
