whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
