Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
