Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
