do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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