Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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