You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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