We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize