whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
