I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
