Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
