i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
