I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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