we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
