Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
